Don’t give the child(ren) the opportunity to say yes or no, rather have them choose from 2 or 3 options. i.e. instead of “Do you want to take a bath now?” ask “Do you want to have bubbles in your bath or to use your bathtub paint?”
This avoids the opportunity to say no to your question, which you really meant as a polite, direct command.
younger-notlesssignificant asked: I'm a young nanny and I just started a new tumblr blog to chronicle my experiences and to aid other nanny's with anything and everything. It's called nononsensenanny and if you could let your followers know about it, I would greatly appreciate it! (:
OK ladies, here’s us another one to follow.
I’m officially off for the weekend! I’ve had so much fun talking to you guys this week! Its been so nice to find you lot. I really do look forward to sharing with you in the future. :D
OK so I’ve seen Nanny-Notes’s “Consent” post floating around this week and finally sat down and read it. I completely agree with her on the whole thing and just reblogged it for that reason. BUT I ask now how do we as adults deal with being told “no”?
A few years back my personal life got in the way and I had to quit my first nanny position. In the few months I didn’t have Dalton he was sexually molested by an older boy (early teens). Dalton was five and we’d never really felt we needed to discuss what was OK to allow other people to touch. He’d had some issues with UTI’s and had infections around the head of his penis on a number of occasions when he was younger. His mother and I always explained to him what we were doing. How much he understood is hard to tell. But the fact was we had no choice in the application of ointments and making sure that area was kept clean and dry.
When his mother called me crying asking if I’d take him back and explained what had happened I was heart broke. Since we’ve been very clear with him and any other children we’ve been in contact with what was OK and what wasn’t OK. It’s scary to think what could happen later on if you’re not. What little actions you’re taking now that make all the difference when they’re not with you. Just like we teach them to stop and listen and look both ways before crossing the street, a skill that is vital as an adult, approaching their personal space is just as important. Its honestly probably easier to recover from being hit by a car than it is to being molested.
I had a friend who was nanny for a set of twin girls and the mother had just miscarried a set of twins and the father had heart problems so understandably the home was in emotional chaos 24/7. One day my friend calls me after the parents had left for work to ask how to deal with something that was beyond being not OK. The twins had gotten to the age where they were protesting having their diapers changed. In order to make changing easier if the girls would lay down and be still while being changed, or would allow themselves to have their clothes changed or to be bathed they were given “candy” (fruit snacks).
Kids are difficult. Its all well and fine to discuss asking their permission for things like picking them up, changing them, bathing them, ticking, or whatever. But its also important to for us to find safe ways of bringing them around on things that maybe aren’t pressing but also aren’t optional. They can’t sit in a dirty diaper all day but its cool to leave them in it for a few minutes if they don’t want changed yet. You just go back and ask again. You explain the WHY’s of the situation. Its never OK to condition them to accept rewards for giving up their personal space.
I’ve always practiced just revisiting the question and explaining why its important they take their bath and let me wash their hair, why its important that they get their diaper changed, and found a way to communicate with them on whatever level they understand best.
So lets throw some ideas out there for what to do that’s safe when we’re told ‘no’ on things that we can’t accept a ‘no’ on. Also how do we approach the subject with the parents when we notice behavior in these areas that needs modified? With the twins I encouraged my friend to speak to the parents and remind them that while it seems harmless coming from them not everyone in the world is going to have such innocent intentions and one day they may encounter someone who offers a treat for something more sinister and crippling.
The worst part about Kirk trying to be an ass and starting drama is the kids pick up on all of it and become hellions. Ty has been so mouth the last two days. Kayley hasn’t been much worse than usual. She’s finally gotten to the point where a “Kayley Sue.” combined with the hated “mom face” I’ve developed put her in line for a while.
Poor thing, though. Wednesday morning she got her cast off. Then yesterday she tripped over her own feet in front of the whole class and then in gym hit herself in the bridge of the nose with a hula hoop. She didn’t complain at all when Mimi picked her up from school, hours after both incidents, Mimi and Kirk kept her for a hour (which pisses me off because they didn’t tell me they were doing this) and iced her then insisted I keep her on ice the rest of the evening. That lasted all of five seconds. Once she explained she’d tripped before lunch and the hula hoop to the nose was about three hours earlier I sent her off to play. She wasn’t swollen or bruised.
Kirk is milking her ankle more than she is. You’d expect her to complain about a little soreness or it being stiff. Instead she’s all “Can we climb trees!?!?!?!” and Kirk is pushing her around in a wheelchair and force feeding her children’s Tylenol. He wants me to give them to her constantly. Becky’s given me orders to ignore him. I’m not to respond to his text messages or answer his phone calls.